How often have we heard people complaining that despite the fact that they take care of their parents, the sibling who is reckless and least bothered about them is treated better? Sounds a little off and prejudiced, but it may actually be true. Emerging studies have shown that parents subconsciously neglect a self-reliant child and focus more emotionally on a child who is “struggling.” This unintentional response, often perceived as favoritism, is known as “Compensatory Parenting.” Parents deep in their hearts have a ‘comfort’ about a child who is responsible and hence their natural inclination shifts more towards the one who is less responsible.But it had deep psychological implication on children even though the behavioral is quite unconsciously manifested by parents. Over time, the child receiving less attention experiences impacts that can shape personality traits, sibling relationships and other relationship dynamics, even into adulthood.
This classic study from the Philippines will help understand…
A 2009 studypublished in the Journal of Developmental Economics, examined how parents distribute care and resources among their children, especially when one child is weaker or disadvantaged. The study highlights that the care and support provided to one child is not intentional or out of “favoritism”; in fact parents do this as a strategy to balance outcomes across their children.
How unequal attention affects a child
A Journal of Marriage and Family studyfound that this compensatory behavior from parent’s end can affect:
- Sibling relationships
- Bonding with parents
- And even perception and behavior in adulthood
The Comparison Theory, or Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory, also suggests that individuals evaluate their self-worth not in isolation, but relative to those around them. Thus, comparisons made between siblings powerfully shape identity and emotional development.This suggests that even years later, the child who felt “less favored” may internalize resentment.
The favoritism may not be intentional
An important point to note is that differential treatment from parents is often subjective. Siblings can have completely different interpretations of the same parenting behavior.
What parents need to understand…
Certainly, a supportive parent will never intentionally favor one child; however, parents need to understand that when this pattern goes unrecognized, it can shape how children see themselves, their siblings, and their place within the family.
What parents can do to: The core takeaway
Communicating the reason for “unequal treatment” can reduce the damage.A study in theJournal of Child and Family Studies, published by NIH, says children are more accepting of unequal treatment when they understand the reason or feel acknowledged.Not all children can be treated equally. Each child has different needs, vulnerabilities, and personalities. At the end of the day parenting is all about communication, justification and helping children acknowledge their self-worth.
