From teaching them how to take a screenshot to reminding them to take their medicines on time, most of us eventually find ourselves mothering our own mothers. Sometimes with patience, other times with frustration, and often with the quiet understanding that this, too, is their first time living. There is no specific age when the role reversal begins. One day, you simply realize you are telling your mother to eat better, exercise, travel, and finally choose herself after spending most of her life choosing everyone else.On Mother’s Day, we speak to people navigating this gentle, deeply human cycle of care: mothering their mothers while being mothered by their own children in return.
Speaking about her mother Ravesh Phalpher, Shalini, says, “I now understand her not just as ‘my mother,’ but as a woman with her own emotions, fears, strengths, and vulnerabilities”
Shalini Passiart collector and artist: Without realizing it, we all become caretakers of the women who once cared for usMy son (Robin) mothers me now, especially when it comes to technology, health, and slowing down. He’ll remind me to charge my phone, eat on time, sleep earlier, or not say yes to too many things in one day. Sometimes, he even checks if I’ve arrived safely. And with my own mother, I catch myself doing the exact same thing – encouraging her to travel comfortably, try new hobbies, rest more, or even teaching her little things on the phone. It’s such a beautiful role reversal. Without realizing it, we all become caretakers of the women who once cared for us. There are moments when my son speaks to me with this calm seriousness, and I suddenly feel like the child in the room. I think motherhood evolves – it never really disappears, it just changes direction. One day you are packing their school bags, and another day they are reminding you to take your medicines or drink enough water. When my son mothers me in small ways, I feel seen and cared for beyond the traditional roles of parent and child. In many ways, mothering your mother is also a way of quietly and gently thanking her through care.
The fashion designer with her sons Kaith Sharma and Jai Sharma (on her left and right. Rina’s mother Prem Lata Dhaka (inset)
Rina Dhakafashion designer: I ask my mother to take her medicines and my children are taking care of me in the same wayI like hanging out with my mother if I can because of work, time and distance. For me, that is the biggest treat: just being around her, having a laugh with her. And sometimes when you spend time with your mother, just being with her and seeing that she looks fine, you come back and sleep better. There is some kind of neurotransmitter connection wherein your comfort, happiness, and ease are dependent on theirs, so I would love to be like my mother even in small ways. She is 85, and after her knee surgery, her health weakened immensely so I felt that I became her mother. None of us stay with her, so reminding her to take medicines, eat right and live for herself is something I keep doing constantly. And not just me, my children do the same to me. I recently fell, and my son was taking me to the hospital – it was like a full circle moment for me. I am taking care of my mother, and my son is taking care of me.
Anshul with her mother Sudha Rani
Anshul Chauhanactress: I encouraged my mother to finally do something just for herselfIf my mother sees some interesting product online on YouTube or in a newspaper, she asks me to order it for her. What’s funny is that she will always ask me to make it ‘pay on delivery’ because she doesn’t want me spending my money on her. Of course, I never comply. Sometimes she even keeps a proper account and tries returning the money to me when I come home. A couple of years ago, I encouraged her to join some sort of physical activity group or class so that she could finally do something for herself and not just for everyone else, like she always had. She ended up joining a yoga class, and today at 56 she is the star of her class. She is extremely flexible. I can’t match even 20 percent of what she does. From doing full splits to standing backbends and taking her leg behind her neck while sitting, she performs all these difficult asanas so effortlessly that sometimes the videos genuinely scare me. But she makes it all look easy. Bijayalaxmi NandaPrincipal, Miranda House: My daughter taught me AI tools, sunscreen and how to slow downOur generation was always open to staying connected with extended family and friends. While some relationships were lovely, others became toxic and burdensome. My daughter Akshara mothers me by asking me to let go of some of that emotional weight. She also introduced me to the latest AI tools like Gemini and Claude, which I had initially hesitated to use for work. She encourages me to prioritize self-care, exercising, using sunscreen, eating right and dressing well. I always neglected such things. Recently, she bought me two bottles of sunscreen and a bottle of vitamins. She also gave me a journal to write in and introduced me to the works of Annie Ernaux. I recently completed writing a short novella called Chasing the Cherry Blossoms based on my mother’s life, and I am now committed to publishing it. My daughter felt I had abandoned creative writing because of administrative work and insisted I take a break in New York after my Fulbright fellowship. She literally switches off my phone and forces me to read. I lost my own mother when she was only 43. And strangely enough, my daughter – who now works at a law firm in New York – was born on the exact same date as my mother. Kitty Kalrapilates expert: Hearing my children mother made me softer towards my momThese days I find myself constantly mothering my mother. I tell her that she has spent her whole life taking care of everyone else, and now it is her turn. I also catch myself fussing over little things: ‘Mom, wear this, blow dry your hair, don’t forget your phone, don’t forget to use Google Maps.’ Somewhere along the way, I slowly became the parent too. And then I hear the same things coming from my own children. They tell me I need to learn Excel, WeTransfer files properly, and take better care of myself. The funniest part is that they say my English is pathetic, even though I think my English is fabulous. That whole shift in pronunciation and language between generations makes me realize this is exactly what I used to do to my mother. I used to correct my mother a lot, but after hearing my own children mother me, I have become much softer and more compassionate towards her. It has completely changed my bond with her because I now understand her on a much more emotional level. As children, we see our mothers only as caretakers, but as you grow older, you realize how much of their own lives they put aside for us. She was also a first-timer learning, growing, making mistakes, but doing her best. Monica Saxenaformer captain of the women’s polo team: My son is my unofficial life coach, fitness trainer and tech consultantMy son, Robin, has appointed himself my unofficial life coach, fitness trainer, technology consultant, fashion advisor and sometimes even financial planner. And I quite enjoy it. He constantly tells me to dress up properly even for the smallest occasions. “At least wear a nice perfume, mama,” he says, as if I’m the teenager leaving home carelessly. If I am eating something unhealthy, I immediately hear a lecture on proteins. And while teaching me sports, there is always that very careful balance in his tone. Technology is another battlefield. I got scolded for deleting WhatsApp chats. But beyond all the teasing and instructions, what touches me most are the quieter moments. The ‘Have you eaten?’ The random hugs. The checking in when I’m out late. As mothers, we spend years making ourselves responsible for our children’s lives. Then one day, they slowly began doing the same for us. And perhaps that is one of the most beautiful parts of growing older with your children: realizing that care has finally come full circle.
